Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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