i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
