So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
