am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
