I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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