Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
