It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
