If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
