They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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