Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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