found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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