You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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