Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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