I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
