I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
