Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
