Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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