I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
