Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
