My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
