she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
