Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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