I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
