Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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