May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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