what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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