Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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