Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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