so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
