I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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