you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I didn't shave. On purpose
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
