I just cut my nipple shaving
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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