I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm like, not good at living.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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