people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
