Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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