Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
