i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
