I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
