Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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