I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
