i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
