What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
