You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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