I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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