This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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