we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
