my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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