One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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