My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
