I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
