i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
