yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
